How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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