This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
