so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
