i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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