You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
