no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
