nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
