Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
