we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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