my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
