My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and i looked up. we had an audience...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
