I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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