guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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