I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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