In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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