just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
