You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
