White coat. Heels.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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