Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Randomize
