Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In America we eat man semen.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
