He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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