Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
