I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
