Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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