woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
