Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
