singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
