After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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