i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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