I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
