Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
