Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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