so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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