What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
