My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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