And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
