He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
