i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm passing your future prison.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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