I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
