listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
