everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
