Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
