it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
