every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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