carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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