I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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