you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
