my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
