if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
