Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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