i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
