They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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