I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She bit a glass in half.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
