we have pet lesbian snakes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
